Canada » Alberta » Mr Mel’s scrambled eggs

Mr Mel’s scrambled eggs

thelocalist.com_mrmel

I was always a smartass kid when I was young. I was a handful for any teacher. I was a bright kid with a lot of wit and maybe too comfortable exercising it with authority figures. I was never a violent kid. I had the odd schoolyard dust up but most of the time that involved me sticking up for someone else. I had to switch schools by the age of ten and continued to make sure any teacher of mine earned their paycheck. The teachers most at a loss with me were substitute teachers, those wonderful individuals who would come in on an hour’s notice to make sure the future of our nation did not spend the day turning staples into flying arsenal. But they always seemed to want to make an example of someone quickly, and guess which quick-witted smartass ginger was usually first to volunteer…that’s right – yours truly.

This was the exact situation I found myself in on a Monday morning in grade 7 art class. Mr. Mel was a crusty old thing who was surprisingly fit for a man who looked like death. He was tall, slender, bald and spoke with a lisp, which added to his creepy demeanor and the schoolyard rumours about his personal life. For whatever trumped up charge he had me on, I was sent out of class and into the hallway. I grabbed my books and gave the usual “with pleasure” on my way out. In the hallway I found a couple girls of I knew in the grade above me. Not a bad situation or way to spend my Monday morning, I thought.

Mr. Mel must have heard the girls in the hallway laughing at one of my well-crafted teenage jokes, because after a few minutes he stormed out and ordered me to go to the principal’s office, a common occurrence in my scholastic career. I sternly told him, “No”. He approached me and told me again, in an even more aggressive tone, and pointed in the direction.

By this age I knew what teachers were and were not allowed to do. I attended an elementary school that still allowed the strap (a small leather belt used to whip the hand in punishment). As luck would have it, the practice was abolished a few years before my current situation with Mr. Mel, so I had a shit eating grin on my face that screamed “What the fuck you gonna do old man?” I looked him dead in the eye and I told him, “You go get Mrs. McGinnis (my class’s Teacher AId) and have her tell me to go to the office and I will go, but I don’t respect you and I wont listen to you.”

I don’t remember much of what happened next. No, that’s not true. I remember it vividly, but as if it happened in glitches or it was interrupted by moments of silence and darkness. I do remember that by the time I had been able to take enough deep breaths I was in the principal’s office with a lot of broken furniture and some sort of blunt object in my hand.

After explaining to Mr. Mel where my respect lies I turned back to the two girls who were now just watching the entertainment. The first thing I felt was a hand grab my right arm. Next, an arm slipping under my armpit and against my back. I immediately froze and before I knew it this crusty old man had me in a full nelson and and was driving me into the wall face first. I vaguely remember the girls questioning his action. My buddy “Cotton Balls” came out of the class and started yelling at the substitute teacher who now looked more like a wrestling villain. Out of my mouth spewed nothing but curse words I’d acquired listening to N.W.A and Andrew Dice Clay as a kid.

Mr. Mel pulled me off the wall and started driving me towards the office, which was down the hall and to the right at a T intersection. As we approached the T intersection I realized he wasn’t turning and was gonna feed me another taste of the wall. I kicked both of my legs in the air and timed it perfectly so I could push off, saving my face from another impact. A bunch of kids ran out of class after hearing the chaos and just saw enough as we got to the office door. He had to release one of my arms to open the door and when he did he got the hardest elbow I have ever thrown to the sternum. I heard him wince but only for a second before he wrestled me to the principal’s office. The receptionist, a friend of my family’s, stood there, stunned and not sure what to do about a physical altercation between a student and substitute teacher. With a heave, he tossed me into the principal’s office and shut the door.

That’s when I stood up and decided to destroy anything within arm’s reach. Bookshelf, phone, computer – it was all gonna feel my wrath. There was a cut off hockey stick with a tennis ball on the end used to rub scuff marks off the floor – that became my weapon of choice as I wrecked everything I could, with tears in my eyes. The principal was out somewhere, so when he came back he had a receptionist explaining what she saw and why his personal office was trashed. I am sure his first concern was ‘lawsuit’, or maybe it was my wellbeing, as Mr. Oldham was always a fair and good man.

In the end my parents took me to a doctor that day, had pictures taken of all my bruises and cuts, and explained to the school that they would be dealing with lawyers and the media. I took 2 days off I think. My parents were always great at letting me and my brothers, even at a young age, make crucial decisions. They would lay out the situation, possibly steer my thoughts in one direction as any concerned parent would, but the decision to press charges was ultimately up to me.

I have no idea why, but I think even at that young age I understood that I could ruin this man and essentially run him out of my quaint picturesque hometown of Spruce Grove. Maybe my future self visited me in my sleep and told me to be patient, as revenge comes best served late, and that if I kept this to a minimum now it would benefit me in the future. I will say that the experience did lead me to establish boundaries when it comes to being a smartass… just a little. But I still knew what he did was unacceptable.

I chose not to press charges, and trust me, my future self was right. Five years later, on a cool Halloween night, I would get the revenge I was waiting for and it would be sweeter than imagined and too perfect to be scripted.

Check my next post for the climactic finish between Mr. Mel and me.

MEET THE LOCAL: GREG POLAK

Illustration by Sydney-based visual artist Anthony Chang.

Comments
18Shares

39 Comments

  1. La variété et la qualité des jeux disponibles sont également des
    critères importants lors du choix d’un casino en ligne français.
    regardez ces gars-là Les meilleurs logiciels sont ceux qui fournissent
    les meilleurs titres ainsi que les meilleures cagnottes.

    https://leavec.co.kr:443/bbs/board.php?bo_table=free&wr_id=211635 Ces casinos
    sont très populaires auprès des joueurs français car ils offrent un niveau de
    confort et de sécurité élevé pour les transactions financières
    en ligne. visitez

  2. 6. The affiliate does not have to worry about customer support, book keeping,
    and e-commerce related headaches since in affiliate
    marketing, the merchant handles it all; all the affiliate needs to do is promote and resell the product.
    b2win100.com For
    detail on the duties of an affiliate manager, see Campaign’s excellent article, ‘What does
    an affiliate manager do all day? http://www.sam-won.co.kr/bbs/board.php?bo_table=free&wr_id=12172 They too saw salvation for their own fading telephony business
    in providing broadband Internet, but providing a competitive offering
    to cable meant offering TV as well. forum.askmiddlewareexpert.com

  3. Monitoring can provide an early warning, but it’s best to engage in content creation, the
    optimization of digital assets, community building and engagement with the social web to foster relationships that result in the publishing
    of a better picture of what your brand stands for. my website Canva provides 24 hours email and live chat support to their
    affiliates. ttlink.com Affiliate management software can change the
    game for publishers. go to website

  4. Au sein d’un site au design soigné et élégant, vous allez pouvoir accéder à
    un généreux catalogue de jeux qui regroupe les titres des 24
    fournisseurs de logiciels les plus renommés du marché tels que Play’n Go ou encore Hacksaw Gaming.
    http://www.tiresia.Test.polimi.it Le site en ligne que vous
    choisissez doit être optimisé pour le jeu mobile.
    cliquez ici maintenant
    Vous pouvez également obtenir jusqu’à 500€ de bonus sur Magical Spin à l’inscription pour bien vous divertir.
    ttlink.com

  5. I was curious if you ever considered changing the page layout of your site?
    Its very well written; I love what youve got to say. But maybe you could a little more in the
    way of content so people could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot of text
    for only having 1 or two images. Maybe you could space it out better?

  6. Cela est principalement dû au fonctionnement des directions achats des grands groupes, dont le premier objectif est la garantie d’obtenir satisfaction au meilleur
    prix et non d’engager une éventuelle prise de risque sur de nouveaux services ou modèles économiques.
    worldrugbyticket.com Après
    avoir recensé, testé et comparés de nombreux portails de jeux
    de casino, nos experts sont parvenus à élaborer un top
    10 casino en ligne en 2023 pour vous faire du temps.
    http://www7a.biglobe.ne.jp/%7EGokiburi/fantasy/fantasy.cgi?%5Dus%FFmou En ce moment, un excellent bonus de
    bienvenue de 100 % jusqu’à 500 € plus 200 tours gratuits
    est déblocable pour les nouveaux joueurs. leur explication

  7. I really like your blog.. very nice colors & theme. Did you create this website yourself or did you
    hire someone to do it for you? Plz reply as I’m
    looking to design my own blog and would like to find out where u got this from.
    many thanks

  8. Thanks for ones marvelous posting! I truly enjoyed reading it, you
    may be a great author. I will remember to bookmark your blog and definitely will come back from now on. I want to encourage yourself to
    continue your great job, have a nice morning! I saw similar here: dobry sklep
    and also here: dobry sklep

  9. Hello! Do you know if they make any plugins to help with Search Engine Optimization? I’m trying to get my blog to rank for some
    targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very good results.

    If you know of any please share. Appreciate it!
    You can read similar art here: Najlepszy sklep

Leave a Reply

XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>


YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE

Words byStephanie Rubesh
Imagine this. It’s the fourth quarter, the clock is running, your home team is down by three, forty seven seconds left. Home team possession. First down, two yards. Second down, one more. The room holds its breath, the pizza is...